the devil wears a kimono

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From the time I first set foot in this school, I already told myself I would like to change the image that the Japanese have of Filipinos. Dont getme wrong I have nothing against our entertainers, in fact I lookup to them for braving the cold cold cold cold Japanese people/environment just to help their family. anyway, my aim is to make our culture known to them. though our culture may seem to be a mixture of different influences, i believe that that is actually our charm. i want to make the butterfly sleeves known in the fashion industry, a general term like the kimono sleeve. well, im doing it one step at a time.

WIsh me luck!

(the dress i made before)

yesterday, for some reason, i had the lonely feeling i had 2 years ago. when i was lost, uncertain of what the future has in store for me. 2.5 years ago, an uncle once told me that my journey here in japan is just like being in a dark room. you open the door, unsure of whats inside, dimensions unknown. your heartbeat gets faster and faster, like your about to fall from the top of the rollercoaster. youre scared and excited at the same time. your right feet says enter, your left says stay. 2 and a half years ago, i was faced with the same decision. at that moment 3/4 of my body says "stay in the well lit room" while the 1/4 says "youre not a coward, just go!" call me crazy, mayabang or mapride, but yes i did enter that room. full of fears, full of uncertainties. its been 2 years and 7 months since i first set foot into that dark room. 2 years and  7 months... a truly unforgettable journey. there were ups, but most were downs. faces come, faces go. trembles here and there. smile. tears. laughter. looking back, it was a long, dragging telenovela. i think its interesting though. theres a comedic angle, a romantic twist, and lots of dramatic moments. i would love to watch it all over again. watch...but do it all over again? hmmmm. give me time to think about that. 2 years and 7 months and the room looks a lot different now. its 3/4 lit. i can see the corners. i know the dimensions. a few months to go and im about to say goodbye to this room, and enter a new one. being in this room taught me so many things, about myself, and what i am made of. it taught me to trust people, it taught me how to be open, it taught me how to appreciate my blessings, what i have and dream of what i still dont. 

ive finally decided to leave this room on march 30 2009. i cant wait to close the door and lock it. the key however i will forever keep in my pocket. im not saying i will come back. but id like to visit once in a while. where to go next? honestly, i dont know. people know me as the girl with a well made life plan. and im sure they wont believe me when i say i dont know what ill do next. put up a store? maybe. go to the states? perhaps. be a bum? possibly. go back to manila? most probably.get married? muri. but honestly, im quite excited of that uncertainty. if japan taught me one thing, its that theres a big world in store for me. to discover, to know, to learn, to love.

of all these uncertainties, one thing is sure. im ready to leave japan.leave but i wont forget it.  ive met so many people here. people who've backed me up, made me smile, gave me inspiration to get going, i will not forget them. i may leave this place, but these people, these memories, pieces of experience, will forever be treasured in my heart.

i have 4 months left. still long enough for more drama, more twists and turns, but as of now, im inclined to leave. thus, the 4 months left... i will treasure and try to enjoy. i will make good use of it. to learn more...about myself. about this place. about this culture.

sounds like im home sick? yes i am. i miss friends who know me from the beginning of time. laughter that reaches your tummy until it hurts very bad.day dreaming with my girl friends.pity parties.... i miss home right now. this minute. maybe because i know its christmas and i dont see it anywhere here.

oh well, for all ive written. theres nothing to do now but wait. dream. anticipate.

for changes on my current plans,i'll keep you posted.